Peace Corps is a really difficult experience, and one that not many people relate to. This really pushes you have to build a strong support network within the volunteer community of people who can actually understand you. HNC friends are great as well, but sometimes you just need to complain and relate to people who share the background and frustrations as you.
That’s why I think it can be so hard when you have a friend leave Peace Corps early. Whatever causes them to leave, it feels really kind of heavy and upsetting to lose part of your support network. The first friend I made during training also left during training and I took it so hard. Now, another friend of mine recently left (I’m okay, there were only a few tears!) and I’m realizing that no one really talked about how to deal when your friends leave.
So here are some tips that helped me:
- Do something to say goodbye — This is really crucial. Even if you do something very small, do SOMETHING to formally say goodbye to your friend, if possible. Visit their site, plan to see them in the capital, call their Peace Corps cell phone and cry about it. Whatever you need to do! Being able to have some closure will help you feel better in the long-term. One of my friends left really abruptly and we didn’t get a great opportunity to say goodbye and it honestly made it so hard for me.
- See it as an opportunity — Sometimes someone’s leaving can give us the opportunity to reflect on our own service. How is it going? How are we feeling? How are we connecting to others? It can be useful to take some time to face inwards and check in with ourselves after a friend leaves and assess our own situation.
- You gotta give them space — Okay, so after your friend goes back home, it can be really tempting to want to check in with them all the time (ask them about hot showers and air conditioning, ugh the things we took for granted) but it’s important to remember that as they go back they’re also dealing with a really difficult readjustment themselves. Depending on what caused them to leave they may immediately start feeling disappointment or failure, as they start to look for a job they might feel restless or overwhelmed by the process, and even as they settle in there may be feelings of longing as they see the rest of their cohort and friend groups continue with service. So give them some space to get back their groove back and realize that it’s probably a little rough for them.
Just remember that it will suck at first, but you’ll be okay, and your friend will be okay. Plus, on the bright side, soon they’ll have a real job again and will hopefully send you a few bucks through cash app to buy whatever cheap beer you have in country of service.
Cheers!
Dominique Does 