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How to survive when your friend ETs

D. S. ThurmondLeave a comment
Same girl.

Peace Corps is a really difficult experience, and one that not many people relate to. This really pushes you have to build a strong support network within the volunteer community of people who can actually understand you. HNC friends are great as well, but sometimes you just need to complain and relate to people who share the background and frustrations as you.

That’s why I think it can be so hard when you have a friend leave Peace Corps early. Whatever causes them to leave, it feels really kind of heavy and upsetting to lose part of your support network. The first friend I made during training also left during training and I took it so hard. Now, another friend of mine recently left (I’m okay, there were only a few tears!) and I’m realizing that no one really talked about how to deal when your friends leave.

So here are some tips that helped me:

  • Do something to say goodbye — This is really crucial. Even if you do something very small, do SOMETHING to formally say goodbye to your friend, if possible. Visit their site, plan to see them in the capital, call their Peace Corps cell phone and cry about it. Whatever you need to do! Being able to have some closure will help you feel better in the long-term. One of my friends left really abruptly and we didn’t get a great opportunity to say goodbye and it honestly made it so hard for me.
  • See it as an opportunity — Sometimes someone’s leaving can give us the opportunity to reflect on our own service. How is it going? How are we feeling? How are we connecting to others? It can be useful to take some time to face inwards and check in with ourselves after a friend leaves and assess our own situation.
  • You gotta give them space — Okay, so after your friend goes back home, it can be really tempting to want to check in with them all the time (ask them about hot showers and air conditioning, ugh the things we took for granted) but it’s important to remember that as they go back they’re also dealing with a really difficult readjustment themselves. Depending on what caused them to leave they may immediately start feeling disappointment or failure, as they start to look for a job they might feel restless or overwhelmed by the process, and even as they settle in there may be feelings of longing as they see the rest of their cohort and friend groups continue with service. So give them some space to get back their groove back and realize that it’s probably a little rough for them.

Just remember that it will suck at first, but you’ll be okay, and your friend will be okay. Plus, on the bright side, soon they’ll have a real job again and will hopefully send you a few bucks through cash app to buy whatever cheap beer you have in country of service.

Cheers!

Christmas in the Campo

D. S. ThurmondLeave a comment

Last Christmas was, without a doubt, the hardest day of my Peace Corps service.

Christmas is usually one of my favorite holidays, my family usually spends time together decorating the house, shopping for gifts and watching Christmas movies. Sadly, this was so different from how we celebrated Christmas with my host family – the host was not decorate at all, we didn’t listen to Christmas music, we barely discussed the holiday at all.

Furthermore, it’s surprisingly hard to get into the holiday spirit when it’s 90 degrees still (what can I say? I’m from Michigan, we love a white Christmas).

Christmas Eve was underwhelming, and Christmas Day I felt bored and homesick – I wasted most of the day alone, laying in bed reading and feeling bad for myself. So, yeah, not a good day.

This year, I was determined not to let that happen again this year. And honestly, thankfully, I can say it didn’t.

So a note on Dominican culture: the main Christmas celebration occurs on Christmas Eve – it’s called Noche Buena. With my neighbors, we all got dressed and ate entirely too much. Dinner was turkey, potato salad, rice and lasagna. Then we all grabbed plastic chairs and sat outside and talked over a bottle of red wine. Everyone who saw me that night greeted me with “Y Dominique, cenaste ya?”. The focus of the night is spending time with your loved ones and making sure everyone eats. Family members come home from the capital and other countries (mostly the US and Spain) to compartir and celebrate.

On Christmas Day, I went to go visit my favorite family (I’m basically a cousin at this point) to wish them Merry Christmas. They had a bunch of family members come from the capital and we all ate, again too much, and danced and sang karaoke. What’s Christmas without a microphone and speaker?

So, here’s to more Christmas karaoke, more Dominican potato salad (hold the raisins) and more red wine in plastic chairs with neighbors.

From the province of San Juan in the DR, I wish you a feliz Navidad, un prospero año y felicidad!

2018 in Books

D. S. ThurmondLeave a comment

As a PCV and just a person who loves books, I read A TON when I have time to do so. I set my Goodreads reading goal at 20 books this year, and ended up around twelve (I never have as much free time as I expected!). Anyway, I just wanted to talk about some of the top five books I read this year.

#1 Although I love and prefer non-fiction, I read a novel and a some short stories this year that really made fall in love fiction again. Jhumpi Lahiri’s Intrepter of Maladies is a really stunning work of fiction. It is a collection of short stories that focuses largely on the Indian experience, mostly in the U.S. but in India as well. As the title implies, it can be a little heavy and frankly heartbreaking at times, but there is little melodrama and the characters have agency over their lives.

#2 Angie Thomas’ The Hate U Give, similarly is not a book I would have usually just picked up. However, after glowing reviews from friends, a copy was available and I wanted to give it a shot. It’s classified as young adult literature, but the way Thomas navigates themes of race, class and police brutality is really compelling. It exists as a really powerful coming-of-age story that is honest about the lives of black girls.

#3 Another piece of nonfiction that really moved me this year was Chimamanda Ngozie’s Americanah. Part love story, part coming of age, part race theory this book follows the lives of two teen lovers who move through the world strikingly different ways.

#4 John Soluri’s Banana Cultures was probably the most interesting nonfiction book I’ve read in a while. It explores the growth and changes in the banana industry in Honduras in the 20th century. It focuses on the ways that American banana companies changed the landscape of northern Honduras by buying up land cheaply and installing Hondurans and migrant workers in chemically dangerous, underpaid and temporary work. It talks about the workers movement for labor rights, and about the marketing scheme thought up by companies to sell bananas in the US. It was just really interesting to think about especially in the context of my service in a banana, plantain producing country.

#5 Finally, Jeffrey Sach’s The End Of Poverty makes the case for how society can end extreme poverty in our lifetime. Although the book has been criticised for over-simplifying problems, I think the recommendations are solid and the book is a powerful prescription for extreme poverty based on meeting the needs of individuals and empowering them.

Obviously my book list is huge and never ending so hopefully 2019 brings more time to read!

What were your favorite books this year? And which ones are looking forward to reading in 2019?

On golden birthdays and golden moments.

D. S. ThurmondLeave a comment

So, last week on the 27th, I celebrated my 27th at my Peace Corps One-year IST. It gave me a great opportunity to reflect on my life in general and my service specifically. This year, for my birthday, we did a DIY brunch, I spent a night at the beach and celebrated with my volunteer friends. This birthday was in huge contrast with my birthday last year, one that was forgotten by my host family and spent mostly bored. 

I think the amount of growth I’ve experienced this year has been amazing, and I’m so amazed and grateful. 

The Spanish word for birthday is cumpleaños, which is a compound word combining the word ‘cumplir’ which is to complete or achieve and ‘años’ which means years. I think that word is beautiful because it reminds that we have achieved another year, we’ve done the work, gotten better, grown for a year and while the earth revolved around the sun to come back to the same position, we changed. 

I have 11 months of Peace Corps left, and I’m excited to experience, and document, the changes coming.

The Journey Begins

D. S. Thurmond3 Comments

Thank you for joining me.

My name is Dominique Thurmond, and I’m currently a Peace Corps volunteer in the Dominican Republic. I am hoping to use this blog to document my experiences, knowledge learned, and ideas.

I’m hoping to talk about programs, books, art, music, highs and lows of service and more, and connect with others. Feel free to ask any questions you have!